DONKEY CREEK · '26 TICKET
Paid for by the Tailgate Committee

DALE & COREY

"Dirt under the nails. Diesel in the tank. Nobody's parking that straight."

Running for Mayor
Dale
Running for Vice Mayor
Corey
Equipment Inspection — Pass

Meet the Ticket

Two men, one township, zero patience for paved roads. Here's who's asking for your vote (and possibly your tow chain).

Dale, candidate for Mayor
Mayoral Candidate
Dale
"If it's stuck, I'll get it stucker."
  • Years in the dirt30+, unverified
  • Equipment ownedMore than the township
  • Campaign HQThe tailgate
  • Known forStanding very still near machinery

Dale has never once read a town ordinance, but he's read the soil on every back forty in Donkey Creek. He believes a road isn't really a road until something's gotten stuck in it. Campaign motto: "I didn't build this platform — I bulldozed it."

Corey, candidate for Vice Mayor
Vice Mayoral Candidate
Corey
"Second in command, first to the campfire."
  • Years in the dirtClose behind Dale
  • Equipment ownedA white utility van and an opinion
  • Campaign HQWherever the cooler is
  • Known forBacking Dale's plays without asking questions

Corey is the steady hand to Dale's heavy hand. He's never lost an argument about tire pressure and has strong feelings about who gets shotgun. If Dale's the engine, Corey's the guy making sure nobody forgot the trailer hitch pin.

Filed With the County — Probably

The Platform

A six-plank platform, built the same way Dale builds everything: with whatever was already in the shed.

✓ Trail Access for All Rigs

Every side-by-side, four-wheeler, and questionable home-welded contraption gets a lane. Mud is a public utility.

✓ Heavy Equipment Appreciation Days

One Saturday a month, Dale parks the excavator downtown so kids can look at it. No touching. Mostly no touching.

✓ Campfire Code Reform

If you brought your own chair, you get a vote on fire size. If you didn't, you get the seat closest to the smoke.

✓ Pothole-to-Mud-Pit Conversion

Why fix a pothole when you can just commit to it? Several have already been rezoned as "recreational."

✓ Cooler Inventory Transparency Act

Corey will personally audit every cooler at every gathering. Purely for safety. Mostly for snacks.

✓ Tow Chain in Every Garage

It's not a law yet. It will be by spring. Dale already has three you can borrow.

Unsolicited but Appreciated

Endorsements

What folks around the creek are saying — none of them were paid, most of them were asked while holding a beverage.

"Dale pulled my truck out of a ditch and out of a bad financial decision in the same weekend. Mayor material."

— A Neighbor
Three lots down

"Corey remembered to bring ice. Twice in a row. I don't know what else you want from a Vice Mayor."

— Someone at the Campfire
Site 14

"I've seen Dale back a trailer into a spot most men wouldn't attempt on foot. That's leadership."

— A Guy Named Gary
Probably nearby

"Corey showed up in that white van before I even finished texting him. I didn't ask how he knew. Vice Mayors just know."

— A Concerned Resident
End of the gravel road

"Dale told me a pothole was 'load-bearing for the local ecosystem.' I still don't know what that means. I believe him completely."

— Township Resident
Near the old mill

"That van has no logo, no plates I can read, and somehow always has exactly the tool you need in the back. Vote Corey, I guess."

— A Guy Who Needed a Tool
Site 6

"Dale doesn't campaign. Dale just parks the excavator somewhere visible and lets democracy happen."

— A Bystander
The gas station

"Corey settled a three-way argument about firewood ownership in under two minutes, using only eye contact and a folding chair."

— Anonymous, By Request
The campfire ring

"I asked Dale what his platform was. He pointed at his truck bed. I didn't ask again."

— A Voter
Somewhere with good cell signal

"Nobody has ever seen Corey actually get in that van. He's just already there when you arrive. Make of that what you will."

— A Slightly Unsettled Neighbor
Lower lot